Be Assertive

When I worked in a residential treatment facility many years ago, I helped older students understand the differences and outcomes of using passive, assertive, and aggressive voices.  I will be discussing this concept again this week, but this time the lesson will be for parents.

At times we all feel a bit out of control.  When this happens, we often unconsciously look to others for some source of external security.  This is especially true of children and teens.  This is why the assertive voice is so important in times of crisis.  When using it in conjunction with proper wording and a calm demeaner, it sends the message that “all will be well.” 

Unfortunately, if adults don’t have this skill, they fall into taking a passive or aggressive tone, neither of which is reassuring or healthy.  A passive approach during chaos does not provide boundaries or direction, which can escalate behavior.  An aggressive approach usually has the same effect of escalating behavior, but for different and obvious reasons.  In both situations, individuals shift into survival mode, wondering, “Is anyone in control?”

So a good questions for parents to ponder is whether their inclined to move toward passivity or aggression when stressed and interacting with their children.  Either way, it serves us best to strengthen our skills of assertion, as this voice is needed in many situations.  I, for one, use it as much with adults as I do the children with whom I work.